Asking for Forgiveness
We all make mistakes which end up hurting other people, and sometimes we regret these while sometimes we don’t. For the times we do regret having hurt someone else’s feelings, there is always a way out: asking for forgiveness through an apology. Though this might seem hard, since we sometimes feel too shy to do it, or our pride won’t let us, it is still necessary for relationships not to be gone forever.
To form your apology you first need to determine what went wrong. Did you say something offensive? Or break a promise? If you don;t think you did anything wrong, then express sadness for the feeling the other person is feeling as a result of your action. Additionally, one must understand that it doesn’t matter if you were right or wrong about your offense to someone. You might have pointed out something completely true, but you still made the person feel bad. Therefore, the apology is still needed.
Step two to form an acceptable apology is to take full responsibility of our actions, regardless of what it is. One has to accept the mistake as ours, without sharing the blame with anyone else, or coming up with excuses to justify your action. Admit that you were wrong. You need to realize that an apology with an excuse is not an apology. If a person contributed to a situation, you cannot apologize for them. By bringing an excuse to your apology, you are actually making an incomplete apology. This can sometimes be seen as an insult, because you don't see the other person’s pain.
Once you realize why the person is hurt and that you, and only you, is responsible for it, you need to choose the right time to apologize. This is usually hard, because sometimes immediately after the mistake is best, but sometimes it is actually better to wait. While an apology right away could quickly cool off the person’s anger, some might be too agitated to even listen to your next sentence. Nevertheless, the sooner the apology the better, because the person will view your mistake as an error in judgement and not something related to your character.
After this, you are ready to say you’re sorry. To do so, first start off with what went wrong. Specify your offenses and the feelings your actions may have caused. Be detailed so that the person knows exactly what you are apologizing for. Make sure you are not saying you’re sorry the person feels that way, because that means you are pretty much blaming the other person. Apologize for what you need. Not excuses, no buts or ifs. Also, think about what caused you to make the offense? Is it because you’re not good at remembering dates? Or because you’re not very good at dealing with people with different points of view? Find this problem and describe it to the person.
Lastly, end with gratitude. Express your appreciation for that person and what your life would be missing without their trust and/or company. After this, all you have to do is be patient. Some might respond to your request for forgiveness right away, while others might need a little time. If your apology is not accepted, thank them for listening to you and make sure they know that you will always have a door open to reconcile later.
Forgiving Someone
But now, what if the tables turn, and you’re not the one asking for forgiveness, but you are the one hurt? This happens to all of us all the time, but some of us have trouble of actually forgiving a person. We might think that due to that person’s action, they deserve to suffer by not receiving your forgiveness and by not having your friendship. nevertheless, this is not the basis for a healthy relationship, either with others nor with yourself. You want to always forgive people, no matter how horrible of an action they may have taken. You might not be as close to that person as before, and that’s understandable, but you want to do your part, and that is forgiving.
First of all, we need to realize that all that hate we feel towards our adversary does not harm him/her in the way we want. We might think they’ll be desperate and miserable without their friendship, but actually they might be enjoying the fact that you are making such a big deal out of something they did. Because of this, you are demonstrating that they matter more to you, than you do to them. Secondly, one must understand that the best revenge is to live a happy life. Show them and yourself that the obstacles they tried to create in your life were not significant enough to stop you, and you are able to move on despite their efforts.
Additionally, it is the perfect opportunity to turn something evil into something good. The person that hurt you has also helped you grow, and even though unfortunate things happen to us, the best thing is to turn them into something that strengthen us. You’ve been through that uncomfortable situation, and you learned to overcome it. Next time it happens, you will walk right over it with ease.
By being in such a situation, we are surrounded by so much negativity.The fastest way to free ourselves from these is to forgive. By forgiving you are releasing this person from your life and all the damage they have cause to you. Your hatred has tied you to that person. and by forgiving, you will start walking away from the pain. Furthermore, what keeps us stuck in the negativity is that we keep telling “the story”. If you keep talking about that person and how bad you were treated and how much you were suffering, you will never free yourself from it. Rather, forgive your enemy and move on.
As Steve Maraboli once said: “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
By: Carolina Franco
We all make mistakes which end up hurting other people, and sometimes we regret these while sometimes we don’t. For the times we do regret having hurt someone else’s feelings, there is always a way out: asking for forgiveness through an apology. Though this might seem hard, since we sometimes feel too shy to do it, or our pride won’t let us, it is still necessary for relationships not to be gone forever.
To form your apology you first need to determine what went wrong. Did you say something offensive? Or break a promise? If you don;t think you did anything wrong, then express sadness for the feeling the other person is feeling as a result of your action. Additionally, one must understand that it doesn’t matter if you were right or wrong about your offense to someone. You might have pointed out something completely true, but you still made the person feel bad. Therefore, the apology is still needed.
Step two to form an acceptable apology is to take full responsibility of our actions, regardless of what it is. One has to accept the mistake as ours, without sharing the blame with anyone else, or coming up with excuses to justify your action. Admit that you were wrong. You need to realize that an apology with an excuse is not an apology. If a person contributed to a situation, you cannot apologize for them. By bringing an excuse to your apology, you are actually making an incomplete apology. This can sometimes be seen as an insult, because you don't see the other person’s pain.
Once you realize why the person is hurt and that you, and only you, is responsible for it, you need to choose the right time to apologize. This is usually hard, because sometimes immediately after the mistake is best, but sometimes it is actually better to wait. While an apology right away could quickly cool off the person’s anger, some might be too agitated to even listen to your next sentence. Nevertheless, the sooner the apology the better, because the person will view your mistake as an error in judgement and not something related to your character.
After this, you are ready to say you’re sorry. To do so, first start off with what went wrong. Specify your offenses and the feelings your actions may have caused. Be detailed so that the person knows exactly what you are apologizing for. Make sure you are not saying you’re sorry the person feels that way, because that means you are pretty much blaming the other person. Apologize for what you need. Not excuses, no buts or ifs. Also, think about what caused you to make the offense? Is it because you’re not good at remembering dates? Or because you’re not very good at dealing with people with different points of view? Find this problem and describe it to the person.
Lastly, end with gratitude. Express your appreciation for that person and what your life would be missing without their trust and/or company. After this, all you have to do is be patient. Some might respond to your request for forgiveness right away, while others might need a little time. If your apology is not accepted, thank them for listening to you and make sure they know that you will always have a door open to reconcile later.
Forgiving Someone
But now, what if the tables turn, and you’re not the one asking for forgiveness, but you are the one hurt? This happens to all of us all the time, but some of us have trouble of actually forgiving a person. We might think that due to that person’s action, they deserve to suffer by not receiving your forgiveness and by not having your friendship. nevertheless, this is not the basis for a healthy relationship, either with others nor with yourself. You want to always forgive people, no matter how horrible of an action they may have taken. You might not be as close to that person as before, and that’s understandable, but you want to do your part, and that is forgiving.
First of all, we need to realize that all that hate we feel towards our adversary does not harm him/her in the way we want. We might think they’ll be desperate and miserable without their friendship, but actually they might be enjoying the fact that you are making such a big deal out of something they did. Because of this, you are demonstrating that they matter more to you, than you do to them. Secondly, one must understand that the best revenge is to live a happy life. Show them and yourself that the obstacles they tried to create in your life were not significant enough to stop you, and you are able to move on despite their efforts.
Additionally, it is the perfect opportunity to turn something evil into something good. The person that hurt you has also helped you grow, and even though unfortunate things happen to us, the best thing is to turn them into something that strengthen us. You’ve been through that uncomfortable situation, and you learned to overcome it. Next time it happens, you will walk right over it with ease.
By being in such a situation, we are surrounded by so much negativity.The fastest way to free ourselves from these is to forgive. By forgiving you are releasing this person from your life and all the damage they have cause to you. Your hatred has tied you to that person. and by forgiving, you will start walking away from the pain. Furthermore, what keeps us stuck in the negativity is that we keep telling “the story”. If you keep talking about that person and how bad you were treated and how much you were suffering, you will never free yourself from it. Rather, forgive your enemy and move on.
As Steve Maraboli once said: “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
By: Carolina Franco